I am assaulted every day by dozens of instances of would being used instead of will. Everybody's doing it: feature writers, television anchors, cricket commentators, and people sending me emails.
"We would also need a brief bio and picture for our catalogue..."
"I believe the Sensex would be range bound leading up to the budget..."
"Ponting would be wondering what he can do to stop Gayle..."
The misuse has been around in India for decades, but has spread rapidly in the past few years to reach epidemic proportions. Media outlets, unfortunately, appear to be ignoring the infection, though it is far more dangerous than the use of it's instead of its ('the dog wagged it's tail'), till instead of while ('till stocks last') and since instead of for ('since the past five years').
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
The Times distorts outcome of 'anti-Hindu bias' case
An article in this morning's Times of India is headlined Hindus teach California a lesson, and carries the sub-heading: Group wins $175,000 from state education board for defaming Hinduism. The Sacramento Bee covers the case rather differently; Its headline reads, Hindu group to get just $175,000 in textbook bias suit.
It appears the Bee is right and the Times wrong. The primary contention of the Hindu group, namely that California's textbooks and vetting methods display anti-Hindu bias, was rejected in court previously. The current settlement involves "no curriculum concessions", and the payment will not even cover the plaintiffs' costs. Wikipedia has an excellent entry about the entire case, with a further link to some 70 text changes made by the California Board of Education after consulting scholars in response to protests by Hindu conservatives. The process was transparent and the end result pretty politically correct. For example, instead of saying men have greater rights than women in traditional Hindu society, California textbooks state women have 'other rights than men'. Predictably, vociferous Hindu groups like the Hindu American Foundation stayed away from the consultations, knowing they'd be exposed when they were asked to produce actual evidence to back their claims. Once the process was over, they cried bias and threatened to sue. They lost their case, and are now holding up the settlement money (offered because going through the trial would be more expensive, and California is in a deep financial hole right now) as a sign of victory. They've fooled Indian media outlets, most obviously the Times of India.
It appears the Bee is right and the Times wrong. The primary contention of the Hindu group, namely that California's textbooks and vetting methods display anti-Hindu bias, was rejected in court previously. The current settlement involves "no curriculum concessions", and the payment will not even cover the plaintiffs' costs. Wikipedia has an excellent entry about the entire case, with a further link to some 70 text changes made by the California Board of Education after consulting scholars in response to protests by Hindu conservatives. The process was transparent and the end result pretty politically correct. For example, instead of saying men have greater rights than women in traditional Hindu society, California textbooks state women have 'other rights than men'. Predictably, vociferous Hindu groups like the Hindu American Foundation stayed away from the consultations, knowing they'd be exposed when they were asked to produce actual evidence to back their claims. Once the process was over, they cried bias and threatened to sue. They lost their case, and are now holding up the settlement money (offered because going through the trial would be more expensive, and California is in a deep financial hole right now) as a sign of victory. They've fooled Indian media outlets, most obviously the Times of India.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Roger Federer: My vote for GOAT
So much has been written about Roger Federer's victory at the French Open, there's little left to add. I'm going to take the easy approach by quoting from the inimitable Bobilli, to whom I have devoted an entire post back in April. In Monday morning's Times of India, he writes, "Oh yes, Federer does not have the smouldering serve of a Sampras, the booming return of an Agassi, the allround play of a Borg."
Hold on, did he mention the 'allround' play of Borg? Bjorn Borg was one of my childhood idols, but even his most fanatical followers would not consider him an 'allround' player. In his early days, he approached the net with about the enthusiasm of a man with toothache approaching the dentist's chair. Later on, he learned to get volleys over the net more often than not, but he never pounced and put them away with conviction.
If one quality marks Federer out from those who are bracketed with him in lists of the greatest of all time (GOAT), it is his excellence in every department of the game. Jimmy Connors is the only other player I can think of with similar all-court ability, but his weak serve compromises his claim to be the GOAT.
Federer's all round ability is proven by his astonishing record in Grand Slams: 20 consecutive semi-finals. That, I believe, is a feat nobody will ever beat. It requires enormous talent, of course, but also incredible consistency, fitness, and commitment. Sampras was barely competetive at the French, Borg burned out at 26, and Nadal's picked up his first serious injury at 22. Whatever Bobilli may say, it is for his all round capability that Roger Federer has my vote for GOAT.
Hold on, did he mention the 'allround' play of Borg? Bjorn Borg was one of my childhood idols, but even his most fanatical followers would not consider him an 'allround' player. In his early days, he approached the net with about the enthusiasm of a man with toothache approaching the dentist's chair. Later on, he learned to get volleys over the net more often than not, but he never pounced and put them away with conviction.
If one quality marks Federer out from those who are bracketed with him in lists of the greatest of all time (GOAT), it is his excellence in every department of the game. Jimmy Connors is the only other player I can think of with similar all-court ability, but his weak serve compromises his claim to be the GOAT.
Federer's all round ability is proven by his astonishing record in Grand Slams: 20 consecutive semi-finals. That, I believe, is a feat nobody will ever beat. It requires enormous talent, of course, but also incredible consistency, fitness, and commitment. Sampras was barely competetive at the French, Borg burned out at 26, and Nadal's picked up his first serious injury at 22. Whatever Bobilli may say, it is for his all round capability that Roger Federer has my vote for GOAT.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
The Psychology of Massacres
On June 5, 1989, Chinese authorities completed the clearing up of Tiananmen square and its environs, which in previous weeks had been occupied by pro-democracy protesters who seemed, at one point, on the verge of shaking up the ruling Communist Party hierarchy. That morning, as a column of tanks moved down the Avenue of Eternal Peace, it was briefly stopped by a man who stood in front of the first vehicle, climbed up and remonstrated with the soldier inside, then got down and blocked the path of the tanks once more. The man was removed by security officers, but not before half a dozen cameramen staying in the Beijing Hotel nearby had captured his lone protest on film and video in images that became instantly iconic.
The man has never been identified, but his gesture of protest appears to have been spontaneous. He was, after all, carrying a shopping bag in one hand and his jacket in another; like somebody going about his own business till he felt a sudden wave of revulsion against what was happening around him and decided to make his own suicidal gesture against brute power.
Everybody who witnessed that moment was convinced the gesture was suicidal. Policemen and soldiers had been instructed to give no quarter to demonstrators; they were shooting to kill, and had murdered hundreds of civilians already. Yet, the tanks did not roll over the man in the white shirt. The commander of the lead vehicle tried to bypass the unarmed pedestrian, rather than shoot him dead in the middle of the avenue. His decision, too, was spontaneous. He, too has remained unidentified. If we live long enough for China to turn democratic, we might discover the fate of the man who stood in front of the tanks. I hope to learn, also, about the soldier who spared the life of a protester instead of reacting with extreme prejudice as his superiors had ordered him to do.
The past few days have been filled with stories about slip-ups in the operation against terrorists who massacred nearly 200 people in Bombay on November 26 last year. Some of these issues have been publicised previously: the police did not have good bullet proof jackets, information was not communicated properly between units, commandos took inordinately long to arrive on the scene, many guards within VT station fled their posts, and so on. Some new revelations include: officers sitting in the control chamber at the Taj hotel could tell from security cameras that all four attackers were holed up in a single room for long periods, over an hour in one case. Though there were over 100 policemen at the scene by this time, they made no effort to engage the four gunmen. Later, the four emerged, split up, set fire to the sixth floor of the heritage wing, ambushed guests being led out from Wasabi restaurant, and kept the nation on tenterhooks for a further fifty hours.
I understand why the police failed to act, because I have no respect for their ability or character. They are corrupt, brutal and incompetent, and each of these qualities feeds off the others in a vicious downward spiral. What I have not been able to understand are the actions of the militants. From the perspective of their controllers, I suppose, it was a spectacularly successful operation, apart from one unexpected downside, namely the capture of Ajmal Kasab. Presuming, however, that the instructions were to kill as many people and cause as much damage as possible, the terrorists made some strange choices. There were hundreds of vulnerable men and women at the Oberoi but, after an initial shooting frenzy, few further attempts were made to hunt down and kill guests. Having completed their gruesome assignment at VT, Ajmal Kasab and Abu Ismail sauntered across to Cama Hospital where they claimed a few more vicitims, but spared a number of others, locking them up in a toilet instead of executing them. What was the rationale behind that act? It certainly wasn't lack of ammunition, because they proceeded to battle a posse of policemen, escape the hospital, take over a police vehicle after killing the three police officers in it, and drive away. At the Taj, meanwhile, not only did the attackers congregate in one space and remain inactive for a long period of time, they did relatively little damage to the structure of the hotel, though they had the time and tools to burn the entire place down.
My best guess is that the terrorists assumed they would engage in a fight to the death with security personnel within an hour or two of coming ashore. When that did not happen, thanks to the ineptness and cowardice of Bombay's protectors, the attackers had no fall back plan, and acted in random, unpredictable ways while trying to reach their superiors for further instructions.
Whatever the truth of the matter, the fact is, horrible as the massacres of 26 November were, the toll could have been much higher had it not been for the indecisive behaviour of the terrorists.
The man has never been identified, but his gesture of protest appears to have been spontaneous. He was, after all, carrying a shopping bag in one hand and his jacket in another; like somebody going about his own business till he felt a sudden wave of revulsion against what was happening around him and decided to make his own suicidal gesture against brute power.
Everybody who witnessed that moment was convinced the gesture was suicidal. Policemen and soldiers had been instructed to give no quarter to demonstrators; they were shooting to kill, and had murdered hundreds of civilians already. Yet, the tanks did not roll over the man in the white shirt. The commander of the lead vehicle tried to bypass the unarmed pedestrian, rather than shoot him dead in the middle of the avenue. His decision, too, was spontaneous. He, too has remained unidentified. If we live long enough for China to turn democratic, we might discover the fate of the man who stood in front of the tanks. I hope to learn, also, about the soldier who spared the life of a protester instead of reacting with extreme prejudice as his superiors had ordered him to do.
The past few days have been filled with stories about slip-ups in the operation against terrorists who massacred nearly 200 people in Bombay on November 26 last year. Some of these issues have been publicised previously: the police did not have good bullet proof jackets, information was not communicated properly between units, commandos took inordinately long to arrive on the scene, many guards within VT station fled their posts, and so on. Some new revelations include: officers sitting in the control chamber at the Taj hotel could tell from security cameras that all four attackers were holed up in a single room for long periods, over an hour in one case. Though there were over 100 policemen at the scene by this time, they made no effort to engage the four gunmen. Later, the four emerged, split up, set fire to the sixth floor of the heritage wing, ambushed guests being led out from Wasabi restaurant, and kept the nation on tenterhooks for a further fifty hours.
I understand why the police failed to act, because I have no respect for their ability or character. They are corrupt, brutal and incompetent, and each of these qualities feeds off the others in a vicious downward spiral. What I have not been able to understand are the actions of the militants. From the perspective of their controllers, I suppose, it was a spectacularly successful operation, apart from one unexpected downside, namely the capture of Ajmal Kasab. Presuming, however, that the instructions were to kill as many people and cause as much damage as possible, the terrorists made some strange choices. There were hundreds of vulnerable men and women at the Oberoi but, after an initial shooting frenzy, few further attempts were made to hunt down and kill guests. Having completed their gruesome assignment at VT, Ajmal Kasab and Abu Ismail sauntered across to Cama Hospital where they claimed a few more vicitims, but spared a number of others, locking them up in a toilet instead of executing them. What was the rationale behind that act? It certainly wasn't lack of ammunition, because they proceeded to battle a posse of policemen, escape the hospital, take over a police vehicle after killing the three police officers in it, and drive away. At the Taj, meanwhile, not only did the attackers congregate in one space and remain inactive for a long period of time, they did relatively little damage to the structure of the hotel, though they had the time and tools to burn the entire place down.
My best guess is that the terrorists assumed they would engage in a fight to the death with security personnel within an hour or two of coming ashore. When that did not happen, thanks to the ineptness and cowardice of Bombay's protectors, the attackers had no fall back plan, and acted in random, unpredictable ways while trying to reach their superiors for further instructions.
Whatever the truth of the matter, the fact is, horrible as the massacres of 26 November were, the toll could have been much higher had it not been for the indecisive behaviour of the terrorists.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
MTNL saga: the 'engineer' arrives
After a month and a half of harangues, a man was sent to fix my broadband connection. Mr.Mishra arrived at noon, and the conversation with him went so:
Girish clicks on the Firefox icon, gets a page saying no connection could be established.
Girish: As you can see, the connection isn't working. It comes on for five or ten minutes at a time at most.
Mishra seats himself at the machine and switches the mouse pad to the right side (I am not a lefty, but changed mouse position after suffering carpal tunnel pain a couple of years ago from too much online Scrabble). He removes a brand new router from its pack. It is Huawei's MT882 model.
Girish: Actually I have bought myself a new wireless router, I want to to fix that so I can connect from a laptop in another room.
Mishra: Let me first try with this modem to check if the problem is with the line or the router.
Girish: It is definitely with the line, since my mother, who also has an MTNL broadband connection, has been suffering the same problem for exactly the same duration.
Mishra pays no attention. He connects the MT882 and starts checking things like settings and pings. After ten minutes of this he gets up and seems ready to leave. I open the browser window; it still will not connect.
Girish: It isn't working.
Mishra: My job is only to set up the connection, this must be a line problem, I can't check it from here.
Girish: Earlier, when this green tick mark was on, I could browse the Net. Now it isn't opening any sites even though Skype's green tick is showing. Obviously you've messed something up.
Mishra: How could I mess anything up? I did nothing, didn't change any settings.
Girish: You changed the router.
Mishra: this is a new router. Your problem is with your line.
Girish: So who can fix the line?
Mishra: Talk to Kore or Rangale.
Girish: I've been talking to them for over a month. Why have they not checked the line so far?
Mishra: I don't know. Ask them.
Girish: I'll ask them right now... (dials) can I speak to Kore saheb?
Kore comes on the line: Shahane saheb, what is the problem?
Girish: Mishra is here, he changed the router, but that fixed nothing. In fact, earlier my connection worked in spurts, now it isn't working at all. Why did he change the router when it clearly is not a router problem?
Kore: You have a D-Link router, right? D-Link routers are getting corrupted.
Girish: Corrupted? Mine's worked fine for two years. Why should it get corrupted suddenly? Also, did my mother's modem happen to get corrupted at the same time?
Kore (exasperated): I have received an order from above saying all D-Link routers are to be changed, they are corrupt. I'm just following orders.
Girish (to himself): Is it D-Link's routers that are corrupt or MTNL officers? I wonder how much they can skim with these MT882 thingies?
Girish (to Kore): Anyway, this new router clearly doesn't work, I'd like my wireless modem to be connected instead of the MT882.
Kore: Mishra can do that, but then we will not take responsibility for your connection working.
Girish: So will you take responsibility if I keep the MT882?
Kore: How can I give any guarantee?
Girish slams the phone down in disgust.
Girish (to Mishra): OK, I want you to undo what you have done.
Mishra: But I didn't do anything.
Girish: Put my old router back. At least I know it worked off and on.
Mishra reluctantly does as told. Girish connects the ADSL wire. His home page opens properly. Mishra looks mystified.
Girish: I think what you did was to replace a perfectly good router with a broken one. Thanks a bunch. Please take your MT882 and leave.
(To himself) Back to square one. But square one is better than square zero.
Girish clicks on the Firefox icon, gets a page saying no connection could be established.
Girish: As you can see, the connection isn't working. It comes on for five or ten minutes at a time at most.
Mishra seats himself at the machine and switches the mouse pad to the right side (I am not a lefty, but changed mouse position after suffering carpal tunnel pain a couple of years ago from too much online Scrabble). He removes a brand new router from its pack. It is Huawei's MT882 model.
Girish: Actually I have bought myself a new wireless router, I want to to fix that so I can connect from a laptop in another room.
Mishra: Let me first try with this modem to check if the problem is with the line or the router.
Girish: It is definitely with the line, since my mother, who also has an MTNL broadband connection, has been suffering the same problem for exactly the same duration.
Mishra pays no attention. He connects the MT882 and starts checking things like settings and pings. After ten minutes of this he gets up and seems ready to leave. I open the browser window; it still will not connect.
Girish: It isn't working.
Mishra: My job is only to set up the connection, this must be a line problem, I can't check it from here.
Girish: Earlier, when this green tick mark was on, I could browse the Net. Now it isn't opening any sites even though Skype's green tick is showing. Obviously you've messed something up.
Mishra: How could I mess anything up? I did nothing, didn't change any settings.
Girish: You changed the router.
Mishra: this is a new router. Your problem is with your line.
Girish: So who can fix the line?
Mishra: Talk to Kore or Rangale.
Girish: I've been talking to them for over a month. Why have they not checked the line so far?
Mishra: I don't know. Ask them.
Girish: I'll ask them right now... (dials) can I speak to Kore saheb?
Kore comes on the line: Shahane saheb, what is the problem?
Girish: Mishra is here, he changed the router, but that fixed nothing. In fact, earlier my connection worked in spurts, now it isn't working at all. Why did he change the router when it clearly is not a router problem?
Kore: You have a D-Link router, right? D-Link routers are getting corrupted.
Girish: Corrupted? Mine's worked fine for two years. Why should it get corrupted suddenly? Also, did my mother's modem happen to get corrupted at the same time?
Kore (exasperated): I have received an order from above saying all D-Link routers are to be changed, they are corrupt. I'm just following orders.
Girish (to himself): Is it D-Link's routers that are corrupt or MTNL officers? I wonder how much they can skim with these MT882 thingies?
Girish (to Kore): Anyway, this new router clearly doesn't work, I'd like my wireless modem to be connected instead of the MT882.
Kore: Mishra can do that, but then we will not take responsibility for your connection working.
Girish: So will you take responsibility if I keep the MT882?
Kore: How can I give any guarantee?
Girish slams the phone down in disgust.
Girish (to Mishra): OK, I want you to undo what you have done.
Mishra: But I didn't do anything.
Girish: Put my old router back. At least I know it worked off and on.
Mishra reluctantly does as told. Girish connects the ADSL wire. His home page opens properly. Mishra looks mystified.
Girish: I think what you did was to replace a perfectly good router with a broken one. Thanks a bunch. Please take your MT882 and leave.
(To himself) Back to square one. But square one is better than square zero.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Massacre versus Collateral Damage
How countries tie themselves up in knots, justifying one war while condemning another. Britain, which has been in the forefront of protests against Sri Lanka's victorious assault on the Tamil Tigers, has lined up behind the United States in support of Pakistan's drive against the Taliban in Swat. 'There will be consequences', Gordon Brown thundered, when the Lankans refused to cease fire. No such threat has been directed at Islamabad from 10 Downing Street, even as entire towns are destroyed by the Pakistan army's artillery and millions are driven from their homes.
The Times of London claimed, citing an unnamed source, that more than 20,000 Tamil civilians died on the beach that witnessed the final conflict between government forces and the LTTE. If, indeed, so many civilians were killed, an impartial enquiry ought to be conducted to determine if the actions of Sri Lankan armed forces constituted a war crime. Funny thing is, while Tamil parties cried themselves hoarse for weeks about the plight of trapped civilians, not a single Tamil politician has raised his or her voice against the government of India's stalling, at the United Nations, of any international investigation of the last battle.
The Times of London claimed, citing an unnamed source, that more than 20,000 Tamil civilians died on the beach that witnessed the final conflict between government forces and the LTTE. If, indeed, so many civilians were killed, an impartial enquiry ought to be conducted to determine if the actions of Sri Lankan armed forces constituted a war crime. Funny thing is, while Tamil parties cried themselves hoarse for weeks about the plight of trapped civilians, not a single Tamil politician has raised his or her voice against the government of India's stalling, at the United Nations, of any international investigation of the last battle.
Friday, May 29, 2009
MTNL Blues
A month after my internet connection went on the blink, it has yet to be fixed. I've called the 1504 helpline dozens of times, and the divisional engineer almost as often. Mr Kore, head of the Shivaji Park side of operations, who returned from vacation a few days ago, has been the recipient of daily calls as well. Each time I speak to an officer, I have to explain anew the same details: number, address, nature of complaint. Not only do the MTNL chaps have no system to keep track of problems, they have personnel with serious memory deficiencies.
After failing to provide adequate service and costing me thousands of rupees thanks to transactions I couldn't complete online, the company has stuck me with substantial 'broadband usage charges'. This for a month during which its network barely functioned and in which I was abroad for two weeks. I have written to an address provided on the website asking for email contacts of top officers, but received no reply. The firm trumpets its internet services but doesn't have even a semblence of a web-based response. The 'live' assistance cell has apparently closed down, for if, after calling 1504, you hit option '3' for 'online help', you invariably get an apology message.
None of the big private companies has extended its service to my neck of the woods, else I'd have switched ISPs long ago. While I wait for Reliance and Airtel to bring their fat pipes to my doorstep, I'm hoping the new government initiates reforms which will allow the mass sacking of underperforming MTNL employees (which means, I'm guessing, about 90% of the workforce). Just two weeks ago, the company's officers in the capital went on a wildcat protest, switching off service to Delhi Airport, resulting in planes being grounded for hours. I'm through with being held hostage in this fashion by a bunch of lazy, corrupt clerks and linemen, and am even willing to give up the landline which was the family's only telecommunications device back in the bad old days of state monopoly and which remains the telephone number of choice for many old contacts.
After failing to provide adequate service and costing me thousands of rupees thanks to transactions I couldn't complete online, the company has stuck me with substantial 'broadband usage charges'. This for a month during which its network barely functioned and in which I was abroad for two weeks. I have written to an address provided on the website asking for email contacts of top officers, but received no reply. The firm trumpets its internet services but doesn't have even a semblence of a web-based response. The 'live' assistance cell has apparently closed down, for if, after calling 1504, you hit option '3' for 'online help', you invariably get an apology message.
None of the big private companies has extended its service to my neck of the woods, else I'd have switched ISPs long ago. While I wait for Reliance and Airtel to bring their fat pipes to my doorstep, I'm hoping the new government initiates reforms which will allow the mass sacking of underperforming MTNL employees (which means, I'm guessing, about 90% of the workforce). Just two weeks ago, the company's officers in the capital went on a wildcat protest, switching off service to Delhi Airport, resulting in planes being grounded for hours. I'm through with being held hostage in this fashion by a bunch of lazy, corrupt clerks and linemen, and am even willing to give up the landline which was the family's only telecommunications device back in the bad old days of state monopoly and which remains the telephone number of choice for many old contacts.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Kiran Subbaiah's Suicide Note
The warm reception accorded to Kiran Subbaiah's body of sculptural objects has led gallery Chatterjee&Lal to follow up the artist's solo show with a sequel titled Sleepwalker Daydream Part II, consisting of video and new media work.
The new show is full of interesting stuff, including two interactive creations, but the stand-out effort is undoubtedly Subbaiah's 2006 video, Suicide Note. I'd heard good things about it before, but saw it for the first time last week, and can confidently state it is the most accomplished work in video by an Indian artist that I have viewed till date. Here, finally is someone who can use creatively both the language of video and the language he speaks. I've often argued at conferences and in informal discussions about language being a central problem in Indian media art. Unlike painting and sculpture, which are purely visual, media art frequently incorporates text. In my experience, Indian artists are normally wanting in that department (they are also normally inept in their handling of video, but that's a different story). Whenever I've raised the issue of language, artists as well as fellow critics have usually reacted with politically correct outrage, or else dismissed the issue as insignificant. International curators, too, have been happy to select work based on its politics rather than its command of the medium. Subbaiah's resonant, ironic commentary is a crucial component of the work and adds immeasurably to the texture of the finished product, which ought to be the case in all video art.
Suicide Note is a poetic and comical meditation on life, death and art. The artist casts a cold eye over his field, extending from one of the earliest artworks created by humankind, the 25,000-year-old Venus of Willendorf, to very contemporary trends. The video projector screening Suicide Note is placed on a base that periodically swivels to shift the image to a different spot on a panoramic screen, mimicking a three-channel work. The deity presiding over the 25 minute exercise is Marcel Duchamp, who famously exhibited a urinal signed R.Mutt. Subbaiah echoes that revolutionary act by making a believable sculpture out of a toilet brush and signing it K.Subb.
Critics and curators have not yet given Subbaiah the attention he deserves. That's because his sculpture and video contain nothing identifiably Indian, nor do they engage with hot button political issues like globalisation, sectarian violence and sexual orientation. Hopefully, with Thomas Erben in New York and Chatterjee & Lal in Bombay promoting his work, he will gradually make it to the top tier of Indian art where he clearly belongs.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The IPL trophy and Tehran's Jewels Museum
The IPL trophy, like most prestigious trophies designed in India, is expensive and ugly. 2500 diamonds, 4500 yellow sapphires, eight rubies, lots of gold leaf and the labour of 14 craftsmen went into the trophy's making, along with zero imagination and delicacy. Its main features are a map of India with IPL crudely spelled out in the centre, and a batsman alongside, diamond-studded bat clutched in hands at an incorrect angle for the shot he's playing.
Seeing the trophy on SET Max reminded me of the Jewels Museum in Tehran, which we visited a couple of weeks ago. The museum, which showcases the wealth of Iran's former rulers, is housed in the basement vault of a bank, viewable by the public every afternoon. There are probably more diamonds, emeralds, rubies, spinels and sapphires in that room that in any other of comparable size in the world. The only similar collection accessible to the public that I can think of is the British crown jewels in the Tower of London, but I believe that Tehran's museum is superior carat for carat.
The problem with the Tehran jewels is that, like the city in which they are kept, they fail to transform wealth into beauty. Diamonds are naturally attractive, of course, but one expects that, when combined with other, equally beautiful diamonds, they will form a piece that is more than the sum of its parts. That expectation is consistently disappointed in the Jewels Museum.
Tehran was a small town that boomed after it was nominated capital by the new Qajar rulers in the late eighteenth century. Asia, at that point in history, was a declining force compared to fast industrialising Europe. The rapid progress of the smaller continent left monarchs in the east doubting their own value systems and the foundations of their societies. The confusion spread to everything, from administration to art and architecture. As a result, Tehran's palaces and mosques compare poorly with those of Esfahan, which was the capital of the Safavids during the 16th and 17th centuries, and represents the confidence of a civilisation at its peak.
The Qajar rulers inherited the jewels of the Safavids and those acquired by Nader Shah when he plundered Delhi. There is even, in the Jewels Museum, something called the Peacock Throne, though it is not the bejewelled seat depicted in Mughal miniatures and removed to Persia by Nader Shah. Having taken charge of a vast store of gems, the Qajars clearly didn't know what to do with them, and resorted to a sort of diamond-stuffing competition. Artisans seem to have been under instructions to stick as many gems as humanly possible on each hilt, crown, globe and goblet. This is not a strategy calculated to produce breathtakingly beautiful works of art, and indeed, Qajar creations are no match for what one has seen of Mughal and Deccani jewelled objects. The latter consist of diamonds and rubies utilised judiciously, in combination with highly skilled carving, metalwork and embroidery. They are opulent, but rarely appear vulgar. Tehran's Jewels Museum, on the other hand, contains a number of vulgar artefacts, some almost as hideous as the IPL trophy, though that is setting the bar very high.
There is an interesting change visible in the Jewels Museum when we enter the era of Iran's last ruling dynasty, the Pehlavis. The crowns and cloaks are much more tasteful than those of the Qajars, but they represent a completely European approach. Created by the most famous jewellers of Paris and New York, they symbolise the radical western tilt of the last Shah, which proved too much for the public to handle, particularly because it came without the democracy prized in Europe and the US.
Friday, May 22, 2009
The fate of INS Vikrant
I am as fond of our first aircraft carrier as the next guy; in fact, I'm considerably fonder. As a child, I walked more than once along a dock, marvelling at the immense bulk of the steel grey ship. I stood on her deck watching in fascination as screaming planes landed one after another, each hooking onto a rope just in time to preempt what seemed a certain slide into the sea. I lunched in the captain's cabin, and grew familiar with the ship's multiple levels, clambering up and down ladders and through thick metal doors.
At school, when I played battleships, none of the destroyers, cruisers or frigates mattered to me; I cared only for the aircraft carrier. When the news came that INS Vikrant was being decommissioned, I took it personally, though I knew she was in poor condition. Built by the British to serve in the Second World War, and never launched because of that war's end, she was completed a decade and a half later to be sold to the Indian Navy. By the 1990s, she was good only for the scrapyard. I didn't support the plan to turn her into a floating museum because it takes a lot of finesse to turn the cramped space of a battleship into a public repository. Having seen the Navy's efforts at creating maritime museums in Navy Nagar and on an island off Apollo Bunder, and found both efforts wanting in interest and rigour, I knew the Vikrant museum would display none of that finesse. It did, however, open for a while, and received a regular stream of visitors.
The administration then decided it wanted the project to break even or make a profit. It invited bids from developers who could use part of the floor space for wedding receptions and other commercial activities. Today's Economic Times puts a positive spin on the enterprise, pointing to seven companies ready to undertake the makeover. Hindustan Times, on the other hand, focuses on cost escalation: Initially, consultants "estimated the project would cost 124 crore. Nine years since, the cost has more than quadrupled to 500 crore".
The idea of turning Vikrant into a floating mall typifies the blinkered vision of the people in charge of Bombay, who believe in wringing every possible paisa out of every available square foot of space in town. The only way an aircraft carrier can conceivably serve as a shopping arcade is if its entire interior is gutted and refashioned. If that happens, what will be left to preserve of historical worth?
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